A little paper cut hurts, but you put up with it because you know it is going to get better. Imagine what death by thousands of paper cuts would be like.

That brings us to microaggressions, those little irritating things that people do, but which are constant again and again causing a great deal of stress. They are defined as, “a statement, action, or incident regarded as an instance of indirect, subtle, or unintentional discrimination or prejudice against members of a marginalized group.^[1]” People may try to tell you that these are trivial things, but they come again and again. On their own, they may be trivial, but together, like a dripping tap, they build up into something substantial.

The term microaggression was coined concerning African Americans, but they are found not just in racist speech but also against any minority and against women. I am writimg about how they relate to autism.

Theme—Denial of personal identity:
Occurs when any aspect of a person’s identity other than disability is ignored or denied.
Example:
“I can’t believe you are autistic.”
What autistics hear:
“No part of your life is normal or like mine. The only thing I see when I look at you is your disability.”

Theme—Denial of disability experience:
Occurs when autism-related experiences are minimized or denied.
Examples:
“Come on now, we all have a little bit of autism.”
“I know all about autism, I have a family member with autism.”
What autistics hear:
“Your thoughts and feelings are probably not real and are certainly not important to me.”

Theme—Denial of privacy:
Occurs when personal information is required about autism.
Example:
Someone wants proof of your autism.
What autistics hear:
You are not allowed to maintain autism information privately.

Theme—Helplessness:
Occurs when people frantically try to help people with autism.
Example:
Someone feels incapable of rescuing you from your autism.
What autistics hear:
Having autism is a catastrophe. I would rather be dead than be you.

Theme—Secondary gain:
Occurs when a person expects to feel good or be praised for doing something for an autistic person.
Example:
“We’re going to raise lots of money for you tonight.”
What autistics hear:
I feel good and get recognition for being nice to you.

Theme—Infantilization:
Occurs when an autistic person is treated like a child.
Example:
“Let me do that for you.”
What autistics hear:
You are not really capable. I know better than you how to do this.

Theme—Patronization:
Occurs when an autistic person is praised for almost anything.
Also it is considered Inspiration porn.
Example:
“You people are so inspiring.”
What autistics hear:
You are not really capable. I know better than you how to do this.

Theme—Second-class citizen:
Occurs when an autistic person’s right to equality is denied because they are considered to be bothersome, expensive, and a waste of time, effort and resources.
Example:
Accessibility issues or accommodations will be fixed when more autistics use the space.
What autistics hear:
Your rights to equality are not important to me.

Theme—Desexualization:
Occurs when sexuality and sexual being is denied.
Example:
“I would not date someone who is autistic.”
What autistics hear:
Autistics are not my equal, not attractive, and not worthy of being with me.

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This is not a closed list. There are other ways they can get to you.

But what can you do? As the victim, it builds up and there’s not much you can do. Other people can help though, through little acts of affirmation, and by tackling microaggressions when you see them.

Microaffirmations

If you see or hear them do or say something you admire, tell them! 
Validate their experiences – they might share some difficult incidents or encounters with others.
Don’t minimise them by suggesting the other person didn’t mean it.
Don’t deliberately leave people out of groups or conversations because they are different to you

Microinterventions

If you witness microaggression:

Ask them, “Are you okay? Is there anything I can do?
Say that you find the underlying attitude or behaviour a problem and state the reason why to the perpetrator.
Try to help the perpetrator understand what they did.
Never join in.

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[1] Oxford English Dictionary