What did discovering I was autistic mean?

I found out about my autism later in life, during a session with a Senior Clinical Psychologist who was helping me address some anger issues. At the age of 58, in 2012, I learned that I exhibited symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome, a condition that was still considered distinct from Autism at that time. It was a profound moment of realisation that brought both clarity and understanding to my experiences.

How did it affect me? In truth, I felt little change; autism is a part of me that began before birth and simply became a part of my identity from the first few months of life. I’ve always been the same person, embracing my unique perspective on the world. What it offered me was the gift of understanding—a name for my experience that helped illuminate the differences I felt within. Even before I learned about Asperger’s Syndrome, I was who I am; yet, having a name for my condition has gradually brought me a sense of clarity and acceptance.

It highlighted the moments when I overlooked the opportunity to seek help, illuminating the importance of reaching out in times of need.

But seeking help felt like an uphill battle. Despite my psychologist and family doctor sending referral letters for a diagnosis, I received the disappointing news that there was no funding available for adult diagnoses at that time. My attempts to self-refer later were equally fruitless. Even with an employer willing to support self-diagnosed autistics, it was overwhelming to figure out what kind of help I could ask for. Reflecting on my past, I remembered being sent to a psychologist at the age of 10 (me, not the psychologist), but in 1964, being both autistic and intelligent was simply overlooked, and it would take another decade for such complexities to be recognised.

Only after I retired did I finally have the time to explore what autism truly means and connect with others on the spectrum. It was a revelation to learn that autism is recognised as a disability, and I came to realise that throughout my education and career, I could have received support if only I had been diagnosed earlier. The understanding of this has brought me both insight and a sense of loss for the help that could have made my journey easier.

But there are positive aspects as well. What I once viewed as personal failures—those awkward conversations and the emotional distance—have come to light as simply part of my unique autistic traits.

Others can sometimes misunderstand social and emotional expressions, and we can sometimes misunderstand the social and emotional expressions of others, leading to feelings of isolation. Personal challenges, such as difficult conversations and emotional distance, have been shown to stem from unique autistic traits, highlighting the need for empathy and understanding in these interactions.

It has become simpler for me to let go of my previous judgments regarding what I perceived as social awkwardness, allowing me to appreciate the distinct ways others connect and show affection. In return, I’ve noticed that people are more forgiving of me as well, as I embrace my true self rather than striving to fit into the mould of those around me.

A diagnosis later in life can bring a sense of validation, understanding, and self-acceptance. It often allows individuals to connect the dots of their past experiences, making sense of challenges they have faced throughout their journey. This newfound clarity can empower them to embrace their identity fully, fostering a deeper appreciation for their unique qualities and strengths. Furthermore, it opens avenues for tailored support and resources, facilitating healing and growth on multiple levels, both personally and socially.
Ultimately, this transformative process can lead to a more fulfilling life, enriched by the ability to navigate the world with greater self-awareness and confidence.

It’s understandable to feel uncertain about the availability of support. Each local authority has its own priorities, companies interpret the law in diverse ways, and there may be times when the assistance you seek isn’t readily accessible.