There is an NHS bowel cancer screening programme, and I have been selected to be screened. (Notice that I am being careful with the language here.)
The sample of six smears of … (oops my live of alliteration nearly got me there) was to go to an address in Gateshead, so into the post I popped my poo. (That is an alliterative line I can get away with).
What worries me is that at this time of year a lot of chocolate comes as gift, so your Easter eggs may have shared a satchel with … (sorry, nearly did it again).