I believe in healing
40 blogs of Lent, day 29
I believe in healing. I’m just not a very good example of it.
I believe that God heals because I have been there when people have been healed.
I believe God heals because in the past I have been prayed for and I was healed.
I believe God heals because I have prayed for people and a couple of times God has healed them.
It is now ten years since the accident which restricted my movement, leaving me with arthritis in the right foot. On top of that I have recently been diagnosed as type 2 diabetic, and a psychologist believes me to have Asperger’s syndrome, though I cannot be fully tested in this health authority and there is no funding for out of area testing, so I remain undiagnosed.
In the ten years of constant pain since the accident, (I was hit by a blue Ford Fiesta like this) though some days are better than others, I have struggled with questions about what kind of God would heal some people and not others. After this time I have no answer, but I am content with that answer, except when it really hurts. What I have learned is that Jesus identifies with us in our suffering, and walks with us in our suffering.It’s like this old poem Footprints in the sand, by Mary Stephenson:
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, defeat or pain, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when we were hopping.
I love the idea of hopping along with Jesus.
There have been times when I have been difficult learning to cope with this, I’ll admit to that, and I am sorry for the people I have hurt, but because I have learnt a lot about trusting in God in the last ten years, I think this anniversary is something worth celebrating.
I have learned things about forgiveness. Before I was willing to forgive the penitent. If someone has shown they are sorry then I was willing to forgive. But I had to change that, How can I tell if someone is repentant if I cannot know what they are doing? Like Jesus praying Father forgive from the cross. We have to forgive those who trespass against us period, not only if they show regret. This, as I found out, is not easy.
I have also started to write this blog, a sort of on line diary, which started out being called Diary of an Accident Victim, it was meant to be a record of my recovery. The title was changed when it was apparent that the full recovery was not going to happen. I did not want to identify with being a victim.
Whenever I have been at my lowest and felt like giving up, there has always been someone here who, without knowing how I was feeling has said a word of encouragement which came as a word directly from God. When that person moved on they she was replaced.by another person or two. And I’m still here.
Poem Footprints in the sand by Mary Stephenson 1936, altered by me.