Mind wandering and dreaming

Spiritual darkness

I wonder is there is anything in this:

I never remember my dreams, but I have had one that I can’t forget, so I got up and wrote it down. Here. This is it. But first some background:

nail-pierced-handDuring the sermon on Sunday 24 June my mind wandered, it often does. It must have been triggered by something in the sermon, but whatever that was has slipped my mind, after all a sermon is a pile of words and I mostly think visually. The mental tangent took me down to these long 12 years since the accident I had in March 2006 and my road to spiritual recovery,

But my faith never really recovered. The spiritual darkness I found myself in dominated for at least the first eight of those years. I had dreams of the accident, flashbacks of the accident and a general sense of lethargy. Life was not on hold, but it was doing little more than ticking over.

I had asked God to remove my darkness, and nothing. But I had met Jesus in the darkness and my faith had recovered, but not the faith in God that brings you out of trouble that I had before, I have learnt a new faith, faith in Jesus who walks with me through my darkness, faith in darkness. The Bible says that Jesus is the light of the world, but with me the opposite happened, Jesus became my darkness. When I think of God, when I think of Jesus I see my darkness. Then a thought came to me, “Look at Jesus.” so I looked and saw the cross and saw Jesus, who had become my darkness, on that cross, I watched my darkness die. In our Evangelical-Anglican place that is unusual, we have no crucifixes or images of Jesus on the cross in our sanctuary.

That was Sunday morning. Sunday night, I go to bed. I have a dream. I am in a room, and darkness is closing in. I try a light switch, nothing happens, then I notice other light switches, I tried those also, nothing happened. Nothing except it got darker. Shortly it was pitch black in the dream, I call out, “Lord god protect me.” but I was left there in the dark in a doorway at the bottom of a staircase, gripping on to the darkness.

Then I awoke, lay in bed with one thought in my head, “Let go of the darkness.” I came down as I could not sleep, I had only been in bed one hour, it felt more.

I am in a quandary. One part of me is hearing Let go of the darkness but another is saying that it was just a dream, dreams are weird, so back to bed.

So I am going back to bed, I meed my sleep in any case. I wonder if anything else will happen?


One thought on “Mind wandering and dreaming

  1. Pingback: Undivided, a review of the book by Vicky Beeching – Making an ass of myself

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